Having a wobble

Sorry, just need to vent a bit. As some of you may have read in other posts I gave up my part-time job last week to become a full time mum, finished last Wednesday but have been full of cold all weekend, only just started to feel normal today, anyway hubby's off to work, kids are at school, I've gutted the place and now am sitting wondering if I've done the right thing. Worrying about money, plus visited my dad at the weekend and my sister was so disapproving saying I was lazy and that there was no need for me to be at home as the boys are both at school! Is it normal to feel this way?

Yeah, I think it's normal

Everyone mum I know, whether they work or not has updated their facebook status today to say how quiet the house is and how they wish the children weren't going back to school this week so that's a mum thing not a not having a job thing by the sounds of it.

It takes a while to get into any routine whether it's new job, old job, kids at home, new pet... totally normal you'll need a period to get settled. And all this time you're planning what's going to happen and how you can blitz the house and stuff, these things never take as long as you think they're going to so of course you'll finish and think "oh, it's done!". You'll settle into it, start to get used to not having to go to work and then start to ease yourself into all those things you said you'd do when you were at home. I think everyone has a little twinge of guilt every now and then and if you're feeling a bit edgy then comments made by other people can make us feel worse. Personally if someone says something to me (which my brother does occasionally) I just tell him it's nothing to do with him and I'm not costing anyone anything so to keep his snap out.

And if you don't settle, it's ok, you can always change your mind and look for another job, you didn't burn your bridges, nothing is forever!

2boysmum wrote:Sorry, just need to vent a bit. As some of you may have read in other posts I gave up my part-time job last week to become a full time mum, finished last Wednesday but have been full of cold all weekend, only just started to feel normal today, anyway hubby's off to work, kids are at school, I've gutted the place and now am sitting wondering if I've done the right thing. Worrying about money, plus visited my dad at the weekend and my sister was so disapproving saying I was lazy and that there was no need for me to be at home as the boys are both at school! Is it normal to feel this way?

Ignore your sister its none of her business. I cant stand the way people stick their noses in.

Everyone worries about money at some point.

Absolutely, nothing is forever.

You do what you, your family and your circumstances allow. Of course it is normal although I have to wait for Wednesday for my bit of quiet I know when it comes I'll feel a little lost. That feeling doesn't last at all long because you get into a routine. Before you know it you'll be wondering where the day has gone.

People looking in either 'just don't get it' or are a wee bit jealous and can't help with the negativity. I have awful feelings of guilt (not contributing to family finances) mixed wobbles about not having my career to label me - society likes to pigeon hole us... and unfortunately a homemaker has had their label degraded over recent years. I feel (and this is just me mind, going on my friends and family's brash tongue at times) that we're being tarred with the same sort of brush as people who are on the dole and making no effort to get a job. I can't explain fully what I mean by that, it's just a feeling I get.

We don't get paid for doing our job, why should it be any one view that we're lazy just because we're not in paid employment. I don't know.

It is a wobble because today has been a change for you. You'll get used to that change and adapt to your new daily routine.

I hope you're ok. Just think.... the best thing about being a homemaker is that outside stresses can no longer effect you. Don't let words wander around your head to ruin your day. x

So being a homemaker is lazy Quite frankly I think that says more about the type of "homemaker" the person making the comment is than you. Sure being a SAHM can be as busy as you want it to be. Of course you could lazy about all day, watching totally pants daytime TV and stuffing your face but TBH that doesn't sound like the sort of thing you'd do. Not to mention it would be mind numbingly boring. I think being a homemaker is a lost art, baking, making preserves, sewing etc less people do it these day....why would they when you can buy cheap, throwaway tat and food.

I echo what everyone else has said, pay no attention. Bottom line is its about what works best for your family. Don't feel guilty, being the homemaker is an incredibly undervalued job IMO which is a shame. People will always look down their noses but I find that more from jealousy than anything else.

So chin up, you'll get used to this and don't feel guilty. It's high time we stopped valuing ourselves based soley on what money we earn.

today is my last day before DS goes back to school I've just had DD and DS. It's been bliss just having my two, doing baking together this morning, listening to them bicker over Cbeebies games on the internet and not having any minded children here. I've realised today that this is exactly what I want. Just my own children and no one elses (unless it's a play date ) so I need to work on other income streams in order to achieve jacking in the CMing <gulp>

Thanks guys, I know I have done the right thing and it will probably take me a while to get used to it, just need to get myself into a routine and keep myself busy, god knows there's plenty to do in this house, every nook and cranny is filled with DH's clutter and I'm on a mission to clear it and hopefully make a bit of cash while I'm at it.
My sister is one of those perfect people, has known what she wanted to do since she left school, went to uni, got a good job and has an opinion on everything, don't worry though I put her in her place. Hopefully she won't be there next week when we visit, she'll be out living her very busy social life!
Wobble over (for now)

People who make that kind of comment are probably just wishing that a) they had the choice about making that kind of decision and/or b) lacking the b*lls to go ahead and do it! Stick with the programme, honey and things will fall into place.

If they don't, then you can always do what the OP suggested and look for another job. You might find that the jobs look rather unappealing compared with being your own mistress though!

I agree with everyone's comments, you've done the right thing for you and yours, it will take some time to settle in and then you will be fine. I really enjoy my new job role as a sah wife after redundancy in July (yea, I know its early days) but I don't miss the stress of cramming so much into a day/night and my OH enjoys the more relaxing homelife.

You can always go back to work in the future but give yourself a break and enjoy your family/home/life.....

2boysmum just wanted to say i know how you feel families can be mean but just you stick to your guns and whats best for you and your family and tell everyone else to butt out.
I guess we all have days where we question if we have done/are doing the best thing for ourselves/OH/kids but it does seem to work itself out in your head (well it does in mine) eventually
and you have everyone here to help you with the wobbles anytime
thats why i like this place advice, support and a good giggle (just need the gin now and its perfect )

a virtual wine bar :lol!:

lollyfin wrote:2boysmum just wanted to say i know how you feel families can be mean but just you stick to your guns and whats best for you and your family and tell everyone else to butt out.
I guess we all have days where we question if we have done/are doing the best thing for ourselves/OH/kids but it does seem to work itself out in your head (well it does in mine) eventually
and you have everyone here to help you with the wobbles anytime
thats why i like this place advice, support and a good giggle (just need the gin now and its perfect )

saw your post and had to smile, had some lemon juice left over from baking at the weekend and rather than freeze or throw away i had a cheeky g n t with the left over lemon juice and a couple of cubes with my dinner last night and my OH asked what I was drinking and my response was rather then throw the lemon juice away..etc etc and he laughed and said I believe you....thousands wouldn't

Wow mesh i think thats the best excuse sorry valid reason for having a GnT ever

everyone worries honey. if you didn't, you'd not be normal!

I actually asked about a job today, but realised I still can't face it. I'm a stay at home mum not only 'cos I wanted to raise my squidge and not let someone else do it, but also because of severe depression and PTSD. I get a lot of disaproving comments, flippant and I dont think peple realise how much they hurt. even from my mum!!

it does get easier, in no time you'll have a good routine. and if not there's always the internet

how are things going 2boysmum?

TP wrote:how are things going 2boysmum?

Not too bad, thanks for asking!

The last few days of last week were really good, got into a routine and got a lot done, did apply for a job but only part-time and I would only do it if the hours suit. Every time I meet anyone they all seem to ask the same thing "Got a job yet?" I'm getting fed up answering them and have started saying now "There's no rush I'm loaded!!" I wish, lol!

lollyfin wrote:Wow mesh i think thats the best excuse sorry valid reason for having a GnT ever

Hmm, well, I just had the end of the bottle of Pimms from dd's 21st and the end of a bottle of lemonade in it!

Having a pimms here too - my reason, well it's the end of summer so it needs drinking up!